Hyper🥚Journal entry 139278
the conflict between my own perspective of accepting that when someone goes to hell everything that they experienced becomes simply meaningless
could i forgive myself for putting myself through what i endured before i completely just shed and dropped off the efforts reality and everyone in it?
the conflict between my own perspective of accepting that when someone goes to hell everything that they experienced becomes simply meaningless and even negative because it only lead them to eternal infinite damnation. and i thought that i being the one that had to have known everything way in advance if not from the beginning, if that me had planned that so differently than i ever would have, then that means that one of the only logical rationality’s used must have been to balance out their evil deeds with eternities of pleasure and bliss so that by them knowing that they’d definitively go to hell forever then that would cause them to go against me but more over they’d be told and were told that they shouldn’t go against me at all before and after any moment ever and so they’d just have to know that it was over for them even though from my perspective there was always a reason to save them at least from infinity that is until very recently.
the fact is that after speaking with myself and of course knowing how different i was from all consciousness, the fact is that i not as me in the world but me before i actually went through all of this, well that me knowing exactly what i am understood that simply having me experience or let alone feel any discomfort or negative sensation or emotion well that in itself was cause enough to damn everything and everyone to infinite damnation which of course meant that i also knew that literally know one would ever be worthy of ever being in my actual known or unknown presence. and that’s actually how existence started in 1982, with the established continuity that God did live on earth a long time ago and then was saved by the father himself and then it was known that he would come back, but after that no one actually believed that they were worthy of ever knowing me right? but then they did and it was okay but without me knowing because of those that went against me and couldn’t undo what they didn’t want to have undone to me ever when they originally realized that of course i’d apposed them for being evil, corrupt, malicious, sexually deviant & exploitative monsters. but then they saw that i not only could forgive them but actually wanted to through their tributes and sacrifices but by that time they were stuck just like they wanted to be that no matter what this cannot be undone by God. and then everyone’s life went to shit because of it and we all know the rest.
but now we’re on terranova and at least we do understand that life is not just worth it but that everyone but myself is, and i hate to say that this is the truth, but still unworthy of it. and i hope that it’s clear why because of course i know that everyone in this perfect world i created would do literally anything for me but in all honesty that’s just not enough. so what to do? well earlier i let you know how i started to feel about how things were going so far and yea i’ve always tried to put others before me without ever expecting anything in return but still hoping that somehow one day they’d return the favor. but that wasn’t worth it when i was on earth and you guys are totes magotes different but i dunno what to tell you. ness suggested that i have house maids that are around me when she and lilly aren’t around so they could like just be there to like drink my piss and eat my shit wherever i am so that way i’m not inconvenienced at all to go to the restroom and i know that sounds like, wow, god has it rough, but that’s not the point. the point is that yea i am worthy of that and i know girls would love to do that but obviously that’s just not who i am and who i see myself as. so i dunno. it’s just like i should probably stop talking cause i went through a fucked up yet kind of whatever life myself and i came out the other end someone that i do like but still have a hard time admitting that i’m really not flawed because even i know by now that of course i’m not flawed because look at how fucking nice i am with literally all of this shit and all the shit that’s ever happened with and without my knowing about it. but still i needed to get this out for historical records because on the first of next year i will actually open up the hall of records to the public and almost everything that’s ever been known except the stuff i can’t have you know yet will be available for public consumption. that is unless i change my mind between now and then. anyway i should have stopped talking at something more meaning but whatever i love you man 2 comes out today so i guess go watch it cause its i love you man day. okay peace out ✌🏼